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How to envy well
Perhaps the secret isn’t to rid my life of envy but to choose what and how I envy instead. What would it mean to envy the good, the beautiful, the…
Apr 12
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Kayti Christian
34
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How to envy well
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15
In search of heat
In the mountains where I spend my childhood, spring is never warm. The muddy soil is dotted with snow patches, and icicles cling to gutters late into…
Apr 5
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Kayti Christian
23
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In search of heat
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4
February 2024
things i want to say but don't
The sun was always warm in the morning, the sheets soft. We found each other in the newness of another day and chose to wake up and try again.
Feb 29
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Kayti Christian
48
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things i want to say but don't
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4
a woman scorned
I am thirteen when my mother picks up an artichoke and throws it at the wall. It is half-eaten, the fuzzy heart soft and exposed. She picks it up off…
Feb 26
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Kayti Christian
56
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a woman scorned
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January 2024
a soft place to land
I wrote an entire essay about paint and then deleted it. In all the words on the page, I couldn’t find the point, couldn’t figure out what I was trying…
Jan 31
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Kayti Christian
51
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a soft place to land
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28
how I want to feel this year
I want to feel awake when the sun hits my face, when rain falls on my body. I want to be the first to undress at the lake, the ocean, on the bank of the…
Jan 11
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Kayti Christian
107
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how I want to feel this year
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25
December 2023
a year in seasons
Your family goes to a theme park at the last minute because this is what you do, ever since you were little and saving crumpled-up dollar bills from…
Dec 30, 2023
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Kayti Christian
58
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a year in seasons
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11
what grief gifts us
In November, Berlin is beautiful with its soft orange light and crumpled leaves. The air is cold but welcoming, unlike London, unlike the bitter winds…
Dec 22, 2023
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Kayti Christian
45
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what grief gifts us
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November 2023
brown paint lakes
I’m writing to you from a messy house. The vacuum from when I cleaned the floors earlier this evening is still plugged in. I’m not sure why I left it…
Nov 16, 2023
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Kayti Christian
31
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brown paint lakes
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7
October 2023
pain scale
The white ceiling looks like heaven, I say to no one, to my phone, to the nurse who hands me a paper cup of water and asks again, maybe for the third…
Oct 29, 2023
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Kayti Christian
72
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pain scale
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15
tomorrow
the day we've waited for
Oct 17, 2023
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Kayti Christian
41
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tomorrow
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19
5 songs for all the feels
music I have on repeat this month
Oct 16, 2023
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Kayti Christian
2
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5 songs for all the feels
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